My mother wants me to only take "essentials" when I move out, and… - Girl of Many Fandoms [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
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[Jun. 12th, 2008|01:20 pm]
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My mother wants me to only take "essentials" when I move out, and leave the rest behind for a while. (She also wants me to sort out stuff I'm never going to need again and get rid of it beforehand, which I might do because that actually sounds sensible.)

Her argument is that it makes more sense to take it in batches and settle in first. My argument is that I can't settle in properly without all my stuff.

I am aware that this will be the first time ever that both my sister and I have lived away from home, and it's probably stressing her more than she's admitting, but my stuff.

So, I'm gathering counter-arguments.

1) I'm hiring a van, and it's better to load as much stuff in it as possible than either have to repeat the process later or make my dad bring me things.

2) This is not just me going away to university. This is me moving out, and I intend it to be permanent. Therefore, I need my things. All my things.

3) One person's idea of clutter is not another person's, and I'm getting a bigger room in the flat anyway.

Anyone got any further ideas?
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From:darthrami
Date:June 12th, 2008 - 12:54 pm
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If you're anything like me, you can't settle in without your stuff. (Or rather, I can, but then all the rest of the stuff become nonexistent in my mind, and I do things like buy several duplicates of things I've already got and such, which doesn't make financial sense in the least.)

Aside from that, this move is yours. Do what you need, not what your mom wants you to do. I think the sorting is a good idea. But if you want your stuff, take your stuff. *hugs*
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From:twelveeyes
Date:June 12th, 2008 - 01:41 pm
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I just temporarily moved out for a total of "nine" weeks - I spent more than half my time at home... mainly because the house I was living in was falling to bits and had no heating... but.

1. You'll definitely need the majority of your clothes - or at least the stuff for the season you're in atm. This also includes shoes, coats, accessories.

2. You can't be expected to twiddle your thumbs and hum to yourself every night once you've finished work and had dinner, etc. You need things to entertain yourself (and others) with - this includes books, magazines, crafty things, stationery (for shopping lists too), even a TV and computer.

3. You'll end up buying more stuff if you don't take the stuff you've already got with you. While away for nine weeks I managed to buy: a shower cap, loofah gloves, a baking tray, candles and candlestick holders, new tupperware for my food... and then all the food items themselves. If I hadn't taken things with me, I would have bought them (rug, bedroom slippers, clothes hangers, towels, sheets, pots and pans, wooden spoons, cutlery, aluminium foil & plastic film wrap, toiletries, a water jug, a desk lamp, calendar, pens and pencils... the list goes on...)
... so if she wants you to save money, then you'd better take things with you.

Um. That's all I can think of?
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From:marrog
Date:June 12th, 2008 - 01:49 pm
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Get everything out. I moved out at eighteen for uni and never went back, but I was still carting stuff from home every Christmas for years after. Mind you, I lived on an island and don't drive which didn't help, but that's sort of beside the point. It'll be better for both of you if you get out decisively - and fun, too! There's nothing like putting together your own place from scratch, and if you don't get everything there at once you won't be able to properly move in, the whole thing will be gradual, and you'll feel a bit like you cheated. There's no feeling of Rite of Passage in that.
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From:marrog
Date:June 12th, 2008 - 01:51 pm
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Oh, the getting rid of things thing is sensible though. I'm still moving boxes of stuff from back home that I've yet to properly go through, and that's... eight years on?
From:maureenans
Date:June 12th, 2008 - 02:29 pm
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Compromise by leaving things like your childhood toys, photos or clothing that you might be keeping for sentimental reasons? This way, she has something of yours to keep and be sentimentally nostalgic over and you don't need to keep it. Plus, when you go see your parents for a visit, they can drag it out and sniffle about how their baby has grown up :)

When I left for college I only took essentials and while I did take things back with me when I came home afterwards (comic books!), I realized more and more that I didn't NEED some of the things I'd been keeping at my parents. I'd out grown them or moved on, whereas I would have never thrown them out or donated the things if I had taken them with me initially.
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From:avariel_wings
Date:June 12th, 2008 - 02:32 pm
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I'm not leaving my George behind. Or the panda.

I'll see if I can find something.
From:maureenans
Date:June 12th, 2008 - 02:35 pm
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haha, just like I can't leave Pappoo!

I did leave Isabeara, Mr. Koala and Mrs. Panda and Baby Panda though ;)

Unfortunantly, my dog ate Bugs Bunny and Carebear. :D
[User Picture]
From:genarti
Date:June 12th, 2008 - 02:44 pm
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I agree about getting rid of things you're sure you'll never need again. Why hang onto them and clutter up your new place or your family's house?

4) To settle in, you need to be able to make something a home. Not a dorm room, but a space that's yours where you can arrange your stuff to your liking. And yeah, sure, if you want (and only if you want) there's no harm in leaving some stuff back at the house for a bit. Some of my books are still at my parents' house, and some keepsakes I don't care about enough to keep with me in a small apartment but don't want to throw out, and enough (rarely worn) clothes that if I forget to pack right for a visit home I can grab a ratty old sweatshirt or something. But most of my stuff is here in Boston, because here's where I live, now.

There's where I lived, and where I have enough stuff left that my room is still (sorta-mostly) my room (although if space were tighter in our house that might have changed when I moved out), and where the things I won't want till I have a big house to spread out stuff it or the bits of furniture my parents bought for my use and which are thus kind of ambiguously owned still stay. But it's not where I live now. And so my stuff, my essentials and my clutter both, are here in my own living space.
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From:havenward
Date:June 12th, 2008 - 04:37 pm
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That definitely sounds like a bit of empty nest syndrome... Your reasons are good ones, I'd put the stress on #2 (although gently) because this is probably the biggest reason. On top of which, settling in should be combined with it. Unless you've got a very long moving period, throwing everything in and then sorting it out is really the only good way to get comfortable. At least, in my opinion. I've moved 5 times, and the elongated version was just really frustrating and stressful for everyone involved, especially at 3am when you realize you want/need that thing that's somewhere else...

Good luck!
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From:shellebelle93
Date:June 12th, 2008 - 05:25 pm
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Definitely go through stuff and throw out what you are going to. And then pack *neatly*. I think that if she sees you aren't throwing things into a box willy-nilly, she'll get the idea that you're ready to do this.

Also, they are your things. You should be allowed to take them. And you're an adult now (yay!) and can make your own choices. Make these points as gently as you can, and your arguments listed should be all the arguments you need.

*hugs* Good luck!
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From:gramarye1971
Date:June 12th, 2008 - 07:07 pm
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I've never taken all my stuff when I left home, but that's because I've never lived within reasonable driving distance of places I've moved to. So my bedroom at home is still full of my things, and though I don't actually NEED them where I live now, I'll want them at some point when I finally get a place of my own.

One thing to be said for not bringing everything right away is that it'll help you weed out stuff you don't need. If you leave something behind and then realise six months later than you don't need it, it'll be a lot easier to justify tossing it or selling it or giving it away. So perhaps not just the bare essentials, but you don't have to strip your bedroom bare and treat it like you'll never get your things back ever if you don't.
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From:avariel_wings
Date:June 12th, 2008 - 07:08 pm
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The thing is, most of the stuff in my room I could live without, strictly speaking. But I still want most of that, and that's not going to change.